Being stubborn may well save your life – and that of your beloved sister!

Phew. Back again.

I love this picture. For me it speaks a thousand words. Two of my girls and me. Caught in a moment of focus and affection.


These two sisters are amazing. I have never known two sisters who were so incredibly close. I remember once, going into the bathroom and finding them in the shower together. Both were yapping ten to the dozen. They had so much to tell one another that the noise of the flowing water was not permitted to intrude. I found that fascinating. They had shared a room for many years, they had attended the same schools, they had hung out with a lot of the same people, mostly they had shared the same hobbies. But still, they had so much to say to each other and felt so much urgency to say it, that they couldn’t bear to be separated.

Now, you might think that as they’re so incredibly close that their relationship is a pretty harmonious one. But there you would be wrong. They can argue just as passionately as they get along.

Think fireworks.

Take, for example, the time that Lori got so annoyed with her elder sibling that she gave her a  shove, while she was standing  on the steps of a bus. Joni lost her footing and fell out of the bus. I know. I was there. I saw it all. No matter what I said, Lori refused point blank to apologise.

I remember once, the girls’ choir teacher taking them off for a couple of days on a workshop. She was quite excited about taking those two sisters, who have such an amazing rapport with each other, off to sing in the countryside. She anticipated what effect their close relationship would have on the dynamics of the group. What she failed to anticipate was: what would happen if they fell out. I met her weeks later and she was still slightly dazed.

The truth of the matter is: that although the girls tend to be passionate about pretty much the same things, their characters couldn’t be more polar opposite.

When Lori was born I thought that I’d be able to bath both of the girls together. I couldn’t though. Lori hated the cold and Joni hated the heat. I had to throw my boat-shaped baby bath thermometer in the bin. Both girls were completely off the scale. Joni cried at ‘the correct temperature’ because it was far too hot and Lori cried at ‘the correct temperature’ because it was far too cold. It was like my own two bears story. Lori even balled her eyes out in the supermarket every time we veered near to the fridges.

Joni grew up dressed in pink. Wearing nail polish. And with a serious conviction that she was actually Snow White.

While Lori started the trend of wearing a t-shirt over a long-sleeved top and destroyed one action figure after another.

Bringing the two of them up has taught me a lot.

One of the things it has taught me is that compromise is not always such a good thing.

Laid back Joni has a leisurely pace. She meanders through life in her own good time. In fact, we actually call her our very own chill pill.

Intense Lori rushes on ahead. There is always something else to do. There is always something else to say. There is always something more to make of her day.

One such day both girls were on the bus together heading home from school. The bus pulled up at our stop and they both got off. Together. An argument erupted. Lori felt cold and wanted to rush home from school, at full speed and get on with things.
Joni, on the other hand, wanted to take her time, bask in the winter sun’s rays and float along the street towards home.

A compromise could not be found. Joni’s attempt at her fastest pace could not placate Lori’s need for speed and so after a few cross words, Lori stormed off ahead.

Joni was angry. Why couldn’t they just compromise? Meet in the middle? Lori could slow down her pace and Joni could hasten hers and they could walk home, as sisters, together!

Lori skedaddled and was about 100m ahead of her elder sister when behind her she heard the shrill screeching and then crumpling of metal, and the shattering of glass. She stopped and whirled around. A van had hit a car and now the van was on the path. Approximately 50m in front of her sister. Approximately 50m meters behind her…

She ran back, checked everyone was ok and then rushed on home.

It was at that very moment that I came around the corner in our car. I had picked up my two younger children and, we too, were almost home. I pulled over as I couldn’t easily get past the blockage in the road. My son, who’s always keen to see what’s going on, leapt out of the passenger seat before I could shout, “Hold your horses!!” and ran along the street to find out what had happened. I looked out of my side window and then it dawned on me: one of the people standing next to those contorted vehicles was my daughter Joni.

And then it hit me! Joni and Lori should be taking the same school bus home and Lori was nowhere to be seen…

I tried to leave my car, but it proved difficult. The road was in chaos. It had been sprayed with broken glass and vehicles were slowly attempting to make their way around the debris and the gathering crowd of bystanders. I swore at a lorry driver who attempted to reprimand me for getting in his way. Somehow, finally, I managed to park up on the side of the street, then I ran, screaming, towards a shocked Joni, “Where’s Lori? Where’s Lori?

I dared not look under the vehicles…

Joni took a while to answer. She was in shock. She’d witnessed the whole accident. Lori had just been ahead of her… They’d had an argument… Lori wanted her to walk faster… If they had compromised they would have both been hit by the van which now sat on the pavement.

“But where’s Lori now?” I queried. I needed to see her for myself. To make quite sure. Quite sure she was intact and unharmed.

I quickly checked the distressed car driver then took my paler than usual eldest daughter back to the car and drove her home.

At home I discovered an unblemished but rather disappointed Lori.

Disappointed because she’d not been able to put her recently gained first aid certificate to good use. There had not even been a cut to bandage. She’d been forced to march home and start her homework instead!










15 Replies to “Being stubborn may well save your life – and that of your beloved sister!”

  1. Really lovely glimpse into these two siblings! You told it really well, from the different viewpoints, it was like a children’s story. Even though I knew the girls were ok because you had told the accident from their perspective before yours, I still felt the tension and worry when you switched to your perspective!

  2. Oh Sarah, I’m SO happy that both your girls are alright! Let them saunter, let them race, let them walk backwards, sing and bicker. All is well as long as they stay safe. I’m positive they love each other very much. x

    1. Me too Mar!!! They adore each other. The eldest moved out almost a year ago now and the younger one misses her terribly.
      Much love to you xx

      1. Warmest hugs ❤ Both my sons live with me (25 and 22 years old). Sean lived in the UK for a year, but has returned for college.
        We (my V-man and I) are heading towards Maastricht jihaaa. Have a sunny weekend, dear x

      2. She loves it. It’s great because she is just around the corner from her college. She’s studying musical theatre and often has rehearsals until late at night. Now I don’t worry about her getting home at all. Especially as the girls she’s sharing with are also actors at the same college. And it’s not too far away, so we can be there in a jiffy if she needs us.
        My friend’s daughter is about to go to the US for a year to be an au pair. I think she’s dreading it (my friend, not her daughter!) But I guess the year will go by pretty fast.

  3. What a wonderful post about sisters…your girls. I was four years older than my own sister and we never even got particularly close until after our mother died 9yrs ago now. We are like night and day and I think we view each other as unidentified objects or aliens of a sort. But we have only each other now as so much family is gone and we do make a majored effort to understand each other and we do love one another in our own ways. You are so very observant to see these things in your girls and hopefully with time even more understanding and closeness will evolve. Glad to see you on the radar again.

    1. I was on the radar then I went off again!!! Life… you know how it is.
      I have a step brother who lives in Texas. He’s 6 years older than me and I haven’t seen him for the last 15 years or so. We write occasionally on FB. He has a very different life to me. He never had any children and is off adventuring as far as I can tell.
      Then I have a younger (10 years younger) half brother and a half sister (who’s 12 years younger). We haven’t spoken in many years. When we were younger I was quite close to them despite the age gap. I can’t imagine that things can really be fixed between us. It makes me quite sad sometimes but mostly I just accept it and carry on.
      Families can be so difficult!

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