Where I’m at right now

So, firstly, I want to thank you all for your wonderful comments. Every one of them touched my heart. Thank you.

It’s been tough, but I am getting there. However, I’ve realized that the only way I’m going to avoid this situation happening again is to make some changes in my life.

And that’s the tough bit.

Because it’s like I have to reassess the whole way I run my life.

The decision I have made is to do so slowly. Which, I think, is a good one. You see that’s already a change in me (I have the tendency to act like someone shoved a rocket up my jacksy).

I’ve racked my brains (and other people’s for that matter) trying to figure out where I can find support. I am ready to admit that I can’t carry on dealing with our families health issues by myself. We need respite. We need support. But although I’ve asked (OK begged) we still aren’t receiving any.

Support is the key to our future because neither my husband nor I have any reserves left.

My slow and deliberated thinking is starting to make me understand, where it is though, that I’ve been going wrong.

Yesterday, after only four hours of being awake my poor exhausted husband lay on the sofa sound asleep.

I told the children to be quiet and worried sadly to myself that he too is not too far from burning out. And then I realized. I realized the difference between the two of us:

There was ‘stuff’ to do but he felt exhausted and so he lay down and had a sleep.

My natural reaction would have been to pour espresso down my throat and march onwards and upwards.

It’s those ‘click’ moments that I’m presently waiting for. Once the penny’s dropped and I know what I’m actually doing wrong, I might be able to stop and take stock and then actually change myself.

My blogging over the last few months has been sporadic to say the least! I think what’s best for me is to make a clear break because I put myself under pressure there too.

I will be back. And I am still plodding through (some of) my 101 challenges. I just need some time out to deal with my past and my present and to try to persuade my future to go in the right direction.

12 thoughts on “Where I’m at right now”

  1. Oh hon, cyber hug coming your way. I hope you find some time just to ‘be’, maybe you need to take hubby’s lead and occasionally just lay down and close your eyes and regroup. Hope it all takes an upward swing real soon xx

  2. Your situation sounds as if it has many similarities to my own, and I sincerely feel for you. I wish I had some thing really helpful to offer, but alas, being half a globe away and struggling as I am myself, I’ve got nothing but best wishes to send your way. Those however, are yours in abundance. Sincerely, Janie

  3. You will take as long as you need, it is the smart thing to do, and when you are able you will come back and we will be waiting for you. xo

  4. You have made the right decision. Blogging should be the least of your worries and will still be here when you are ready to come back.

    I’m glad to read of your light bulb moment; once you’ve tried resting a few times, you’ll stop feeling guilty because you’ll see the benefits.

    Lots of love, and remember: I’m at the end of the phone/email/airport 🙂

  5. I feel for you. Sometimes we all need a break from life/blogging/everything. It’s good to have a rest. Take as long as you need. We’ll all still be here if and when you’re ready to come back. (We’ll miss your stories terribly in the meantime but we’re not going anywhere.) Take care of yourself. xxx

  6. I’m sure taking a break will be a good thing for you. It will help you rest and take the time to reprioritize your life. Not having any support system is very hard and I feel for you. Raising my kids on my own is the most challenging task I’ll ever perform in my life but the rewards are worth it. Still, I have to constantly remind myself I need to get the rest so I can be my best every day. With so many things to do, it’s hard something but sleep is important for my kids, and it should be for me too. Good luck with everything! You’re welcome to email me anytime if you want to chat.

  7. I will miss you. I check on you from time to time and am happy you posted today. I still pour espresso down my throat but I make it half milk. I never take naps and run on 4-6 hours of sleep a night. I don’t know how I made it when I had kids, but I did. The key was finding support. Check out churches too. Some have support groups for Moms. Sounds as if you and your husband could benefit from time alone. Dianne

    PS I will be checking back. I’d rather hear from you once a month than not at all, or even once every couple of months, or once a quarter. Blogging helps me a lot. D~

  8. You can always ask me and the others for help mum and I realy think that resting a little more would do you some good too. 🙂

  9. It is not possible to keep endless balls up in the air. And you know what? It’s OK to let one fall every now and then. In fact it can be quite fun to drop them all at once and see them bounce around. Then pick one or two up and start playing again.
    If you ever want to play ball with me, we can throw them at each other, just for a laugh.
    Take your time, take care, take this hug. And buy a second couch! x

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