So, firstly, I want to thank you all for your wonderful comments. Every one of them touched my heart. Thank you.
It’s been tough, but I am getting there. However, I’ve realized that the only way I’m going to avoid this situation happening again is to make some changes in my life.
And that’s the tough bit.
Because it’s like I have to reassess the whole way I run my life.
The decision I have made is to do so slowly. Which, I think, is a good one. You see that’s already a change in me (I have the tendency to act like someone shoved a rocket up my jacksy).
I’ve racked my brains (and other people’s for that matter) trying to figure out where I can find support. I am ready to admit that I can’t carry on dealing with our families health issues by myself. We need respite. We need support. But although I’ve asked (OK begged) we still aren’t receiving any.
Support is the key to our future because neither my husband nor I have any reserves left.
My slow and deliberated thinking is starting to make me understand, where it is though, that I’ve been going wrong.
Yesterday, after only four hours of being awake my poor exhausted husband lay on the sofa sound asleep.
I told the children to be quiet and worried sadly to myself that he too is not too far from burning out. And then I realized. I realized the difference between the two of us:
There was ‘stuff’ to do but he felt exhausted and so he lay down and had a sleep.
My natural reaction would have been to pour espresso down my throat and march onwards and upwards.
It’s those ‘click’ moments that I’m presently waiting for. Once the penny’s dropped and I know what I’m actually doing wrong, I might be able to stop and take stock and then actually change myself.
My blogging over the last few months has been sporadic to say the least! I think what’s best for me is to make a clear break because I put myself under pressure there too.
I will be back. And I am still plodding through (some of) my 101 challenges. I just need some time out to deal with my past and my present and to try to persuade my future to go in the right direction.