We really need a new housekeeper around here.
The current one is constantly sidetracked by blogs and stories and challenges and taking the children to feed the ducks.
She doesn’t want to do homework. She keeps forgetting to load the dishwasher and the tabletop is now filling up. She’s given up on ironing completely unless the occasion specifies “wedding” or “christening”. And to be quite honest, the mountain in the washroom is taking its toll on the quantity of fresh underwear available.
She drinks more than her earned share of coffee and now has her eye on a pair of expensive shoes.
The gentleman of the house keeps calm, regardless of her blatant overuse of pizza as a healthy meal substitute. He even politely asks after the possible availability of matching socks in the near future.
She hangs her jacket over the chair despite walking past the coat rack on entering the house.
She locks the car three times then promptly abandons her keys. And then has the cheek to ask all household members to help her look for them. Before she
taxis fetches carries drives off into the sunset.
She ‘forgets’ to mow the grass and when she’s reminded she complains about the lawnmower running away from her on that tiny bit of a hill.
She frequently knocks over random dustbins.
She can’t carve a chicken, even though she’s knocking loudly on the door of forty.
And she’s totally, bloody useless when it comes to taking out the bins.
But worst of all, she’s easily bribed into giving the children sweets.
All they have to do is say, “Would you like a Twix, mum?”