I should just not talk to my children


Akasha has just drawn a princess and a castle. She proudly guided me through her drawing. The princess is wearing a lovely crown and has her legs inside her dress.

The castle has lots of windows. The one above her head looks like a heart so I asked her if it’s a heart-shaped window. She informed me that the princess has fallen in love. (She’s a right romantic, yesterday she told me that her favourite moment during the Wild West Show was when the Indian and White-Face fell in love. Actually, I already knew it, as she’d turned to me at that exact moment with a fully tooth-bearing grin and glazed eyes).

She then discovered that the prince was missing from her picture, so she hurried off to correct her masterpiece.

A little interlude:

I believe in being honest with my children so when she questioned me recently about bollocks with regard to the human anatomy, the only way forward I found was to draw a little picture of a naked man. These are the problems we parents face when having such a wide age range between children.

I drew a little picture and then I explained to her that normally when we draw people we don’t draw them naked, but with their clothes on. Just like when we see people they are usually fully dressed.

People: I did make it quite clear.

She returned to me with her incredible artwork. Castle. Princess. Heart above her head. And her prince. Willy and bollocks present and correct inside his trousers.

I did originally want to scan the picture in and add it to this post, however I am concerned that some of my readers may find it too sexually explicit.

41 thoughts on “I should just not talk to my children”

  1. Brilliant! I’ll have to print this for my mum to read. She’d love it.

    I hope you really are keeping a selection of your posts about your children to put into a book for when they are older. This story, along with its accompanying picture has got to be saved! Hilarious!

    1. I have subscribed to my own blog (how sad is that) (but at least I am not the only person who subscribed). I keep a copy then of all my posts. It’s a good idea to print some off though, for the kids. My 4yo has a particular poem she really loves. She made me print it off for her already and tries to read it. She’s knows it almost off by heart now and recites it all over the place.

  2. Hysterical. I’m pregnant with our first…and I can only hope they have a sense of humor like this (though they may not see it as funny…I will)

  3. Oh.my.stars. That is hilarious! I think it’s ok if you don’t post the picture and just let us all use our imaginations…

  4. Good Morning..just wanted to say a big nthank you for your visit to my blog and for the comments. I do actually always do my back-ups onto a seperate hard drive, but when I went to do a back up hoping to get them all back the only date available was 25 /8 which was when the change was made. However , apart from a couple of niggley bits I am back to normal, well normal for me anyway.
    I have read your posts and there are very witty , amusing and interesting so I have clicked the follow button so that I will not miss future writings. Do hope that you do not mind!
    I think that you should put your daughter’s drawing on the blog, let us all see what a great artist she is.
    have a lovely day..I take it that you live in Germany..I am in Bulgaria

    love Patrecia

    1. Hi and welcome misswhiplash.
      I’m delighted you have chosen to follow my blog.🙂

      I’m really glad your laptops working again and you’re getting back to normal. The thought of losing everything (or even just some special pictures) is awful.

      I do live in Germany – yes! I moved here seven years ago after falling head over heels in love with a lovely German I met in Edinburgh. What took you to Bulgaria? How long have you been there?

    1. You remember that line from that Sir Bob song? “… I don’t mind at all.”

      I had no idea what reblogged is, so I had to nip over to your blog, to see my blog, reblogged!!😉

    2. You got there just before me. I wanted to reblog it too. We can’t all reblog it can we? I agree with you. It was hillarious. Just brilliant.
      So, what do we have to do to see the picture. I think it would be a scream.

      1. Reblog it!! As often as you like😀

        The pressure is building – and I can’t find the damn thing. I last saw it yesterday. Then I noted it really is quite big…
        But today it seems to have disappeared, which is a real shame as I thought it would have made a great gift, framed and handed over on her wedding day…

  5. Too funny! Reminds me of the time my daughter told her kindergarten teacher about the huge cockroaches at our house. (She was thinking peacocks!). I hope your kindergarten teacher is prepared🙂

    1. I am going to call her on her personal home telephone and tell her to read my blog.

      Your story reminds me of my eldest daughter who wrote in first grade, “Our rabbit died because he starved to death”. (He died of old age)

      1. lol! My brother told his teacher that ‘Daddy kicked my teeth out.’ First my parents knew was when social services turned up on the doorstep. Dad and Little Brother had been playfighting and his loose front baby teeth fell out🙂

  6. Certainly a matter of interpretation, Sarsam. I had a grandaughter draw me a picture of a girl and she thought I must know that, no, she was not pregnant. I just looked at her and smiled. What else could I do! I love that you are honest with your kids. They have a great mom in you.

    1. Me too!!

      I kept the first lock of hair from the first haircut (and all that) form my first child. But when I left my first husband I also left it all behind. He’s probably lost it all by now!!

      I keep meaning to writer all the things down – but it’s really hard.

      I will take a look – thanks for the link.

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