The prep


That time has come again.

I’m off to have my front bottom (and other womanly parts) inspected and assessed by a ‘lady doctor’.

I say a ‘lady doctor’ but actually, he’s a man.

I have been busy preparing myself. Not mentally for strange tools (and hands) invading my exclusive area. No. I’m past all of that. Having had four children.

No. I’ve been having to make myself respectable. I’ve had a bath. Soaked all of my wobbly and flappy bits. Washed my hair. Both on my head and on my…

And then I noticed that my cropped bush had re-identified itself as a forest.

I pranced nakedly through the house, frightening children, on the search for my husbands trimmer.

As you do.

If I listed my talents to you, evidently, ‘Using a trimmer’ could not be itemized at all.

It is that bad.

There are long bits and short bits. Baldy areas and some (areas) that still look rather full.

The clock had tick-tocked and the buzz of the trimmer had slowed to almost nothing.

I examined my own handiwork from an upside down position and I can tell you, were I a real inspector of such works, I would have stamped a ‘Fail’ on the (un)finished product.

Nerves aplenty at the mere thought of revealing my artwork, I set off with the words of my wise teenage daughter swirling around in my head, “Just pretend it’s supposed to look like that. No nervous babbling!”

“No. There’s no need to mention it’s a DIY job, at all!”

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16 thoughts on “The prep”

  1. I just loved your post, so honest and funny. I read it when I was sitting at work putting of starting my day – did a quick tag search and found you. Glad I did. I look forward to reading more.

    Jacqueline

  2. Too much information! It’s a good thing I’d just finished my tea or the monitor would be wearing it.

    Funnyfunnyfunny!

    Maybe you should ask the husband to help you out next time ;) It might lead to child number 5…

  3. Soooooooo true, and really funny!
    Luckily my “Lady Doctor” is actually a lady and she’s great at putting me at ease (as far as these examinations can be regarded as done “at ease” in any way shape or form)

    1. He was actually very nice, I hadn’t been to him before. He’s just called with a list of things he found wrong with me… I needed a paper and pen. I suspect I am getting old :-)

  4. You are hilarious! I so need to come here just to know that life is what it is…real and unfinished. You have the sense of humor I’ve been accused of but bring it right upfron in your writing of it. I love this and at nearly 59yrs of age I so totally agree with how things look..especially when you’ve not noticed for a time.

  5. Hahaha!

    I have a friend who’s a doctor and she says some women come for breast inspections with beards growing round their nipples so I wouldn’t worry about the patchy DIY job!

  6. I had a lady doctor appointment yesterday! Even though I always clean up the morning of, there’s no way to not feel awkward in that position. I figure…it’s not my fault they went to school to become an OB/GYN, and they had to know what was in store for them…
    SO glad that that appointment is behind me for another year! =)

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