It’s ridiculous!
We really need a new housekeeper around here.
The current one is constantly sidetracked by blogs and stories and challenges and taking the children to feed the ducks.
She doesn’t want to do homework. She keeps forgetting to load the dishwasher and the tabletop is now filling up. She’s given up on ironing completely unless the occasion specifies “wedding” or “christening”. And to be quite honest, the mountain in the washroom is taking its toll on the quantity of fresh underwear available.
She drinks more than her earned share of coffee and now has her eye on a pair of expensive shoes.
The gentleman of the house keeps calm, regardless of her blatant overuse of pizza as a healthy meal substitute. He even politely asks after the possible availability of matching socks in the near future.
She hangs her jacket over the chair despite walking past the coat rack on entering the house.
She locks the car three times then promptly abandons her keys. And then has the cheek to ask all household members to help her look for them. Before she taxis fetches carries drives off into the sunset.
She ‘forgets’ to mow the grass and when she’s reminded she complains about the lawnmower running away from her on that tiny bit of a hill.
She frequently knocks over random dustbins.
She can’t carve a chicken, even though she’s knocking loudly on the door of forty.
And she’s totally, bloody useless when it comes to taking out the bins.
But worst of all, she’s easily bribed into giving the children sweets.
All they have to do is say, “Would you like a Twix, mum?”
You’re like me – you need a wife. The problem is you need a better wife than you or me, a kind of traditional cooking, ironing and dusting wife – I ironed everybody’s clothes once and then resented them wearing them so I figured it was a better idea if I never did that again – so mostly I didn’t and don’t.
I sometimes get spam from women who offer to marry me (they think I’m a man – someone obviously told them how bad I am at housework) and I have often been tempted to ask them how they feel about housework if they are so anxious to come and marry me.
So, unless you get a wife (and we might have to use exhumation to find the type we need) to hell with it. In the immortal words of Shirley Conran – ‘Life’s too short to stuff a mushroom.’
I totally love your response, thank you.
I understand your resentment completely. I’m the same when I clean well. Five people run behind me making a mess, and I become, let’s say, rather tetchy…
Go Shirley!!!
Nah—don’t fire her…give her chocolates, wine, and a long week at a cottage by the beach!
Mmmm… You are my kind of woman!!!!
Sounds like we all need to be fired, but a two week vacation might just give the proper mental adjustment.
A two week vacation would be amazing. The last, one week vacation was revitalizing despite the housekeeper coming with us and having to cook, clean the apartment, do the washing…
IDEA: Dear world, I will happily review all inclusive holidays for two weeks with or even WITHOUT family…
Excellent post! I wish I could fire mine but she’s affordable.
Mine too. In fact, it would appear she’s free…
I say reassignment to a tropical island…that should help.
I’m in. But no bugs please!!
Mmmmm, we have a similar situation in this house…*puts feet up*
*And shoves chocolates in mouth*
Darling post. Clever idea!
Thank you!!
Oh my is this truth or dare? Fire her and hire someone younger. Dianne
Now if I could take 10 years off her age (especially body wise) – I’d be very, VERY happy!
You are obviously writing about me! LOL.
How amazingly sweet of you to write a post about me ~ grin ~
It takes an enormous amount of time, dedication and additional study to be this good at housekeeping
It does, doesn’t it? I’m starting to think I should appreciate her a lot more…
Yep, we share the same housekeeper – I will say that she is well intentioned, but the intentions rarely materialise.
Mine is well intentioned too!! She writes ‘To Do’ lists and everything. Definitely the same housekeeper!
Your housekeeper “works” at my house, too. I have had a number of heart to hearts with her, and she always commits to do better. I think she highly distractible and would rather be doing other (fun) things. However, she is very likeable and does show up on occasion and since her pay rates are well below sub standard, we keep her on.
I think we’ll be keeping her on too. And I’ve just realized, she gets paid diddly squat!!
is this the book for you?
Half a Wife: The Working Family's Guide to Getting a Life Back
Have you read it? The review looks good.
no, but I heard the author talking about it. I think we are too set n our ways, but it sounded like a good ethos…
What? Pizza is not part of a healthy meal? It is at my house.
I think you just need a break. And more Twix (yum, Twix!) for the extra energy…
A break. Now that would be very, very nice.
When I was a Naval wife, Looking after two kids while my ex was at sea, I apologised to a (childless) visitor about the state of my home. She told me the children would remember things I did with/for them – but they’d never remember whether their pj’s were ironed. She was right!
That’s so true. Thank you!!
I love the way you think and had I thought more along those lines when I was raising kids maybe things would have gone along so much easier. LOL
I think we all muddle through as best we can.